Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Once upon a time a chicken crossed the road, why it crossed the road no one really knows. Or was It…..

To wish you a happy birthday of course!

To wish you a happy birthday of course!

Because there was a cyclist coming down his side & he didn’t want his mobile to get stolen!

To prove he wasn’t too much of a chicken to cross!

To get to the other side

“BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T COOK IT!!!!” – Gordon Ramsey

To see his flat mate!

To get away from the cockerel

What chicken? Which road? How why? When did? Where is the cross? I need answers…!

Crossy Road.

Crossy Road, the game.

Coz de chick wanna be big star of crossy road game show…?!

To get the highest score!

To be difficult and make us question why he crossed the road in first place!

Just whisper NANDO in her ear and she will cross the road. Whether she makes it to the other side or ends up on a Nando’s plate … is open to fate…

The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side to see if there was an egg!

More to the point, which came first? The chicken or the egg?!

The egg came first actually! The chicken carried it over the line in front of him on a spoon.

Why did the egg come first? A chicken had to lay it

If you believe the creation story, God made birds, animals etc. It does not say he made eggs so chicken definitely first. (Plus I also agree with Sara’s theory!)

I’m trying to picture how a non existent chicken is capable of laying an egg….!!

How did humans come about?? From an egg inside a human… The first human had to be created? That is why the chicken crossed the road – he was created to!

To find a soft place to lay an egg!

And because the grass is greener on the other side!

No, he found it WASN’T greener on the other side…

So he came back in a huff!

And forgot to bring the egg!

But then the chicken was indecisive so kept going back and forwards!

And that’s how evolution occurred…. An egg left on the other side evolved into another species

Of which the egg came first!

Advertisements

Oh My Cod!

Who're you gonna call??

Who you’re gonna call??

I went for one of my usual long walks along the River Thames one day, spotted this van and relatively posted this photo on Facebook, the puns that ensued was inevitable;

If you feel like a fish out of water, then the fish medic is the thing for you.

If you cannot afford an ambulance, just call Fish Medic – that’s economy!

It’s actually a clambulance!

I’d like a wormy, fungus infected, flea bitten salmon to jump right in there…

Plenty more fish in the sea.

How do they call for their own medic?

Via the Net.

You can Twitter a VAN? What does it say? “My oil is killing me?”

I was mullet whether it was a load of pollacks. I’ll stop carp-ing about and go back to my plaice.

No need to carp…. Admit it, you’re having a whale of a time by the Thames!

Don’t walk too far along the river or you’ll pull a mussel

it’s fintastic that they have their own doc.

For when you’re feeling green around the gills!!! 

Poor old sole.

I’m Whaling with laughter.

Oh for cod’s sake.

Something fishy is going on here.

Without the photo evidence, I would have found the whole thing a bit… fishy!

Carp diem 🙂

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

What’s Afoot?

SJ mischievously posed this question to the Tree House dwellers to gauge what kind of reaction it would receive and in true Tree House spirit, the wit and banter came alive once more.

What’s afoot?

 Afoot is for finding Lego in the dark.

It’s on the end of aleg.

 Nothing much.

The game’s afoot:

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge

Cry ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’

– Henry V, Shakespeare.

It’s somewhere South of Aknee.

About 12 inches in old money.

Get ahead! Be a lert!

Come, Watson, the game is afoot…!

No s**t Sherlock!

Big changes! Positivity rules x

Afoot.

More than afoot. Afoot with love handles. Dedicated to Paul, our admin – get well soon mate! 😛

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

I Can Do BSL!

Here is a list of suggested captions for this (above) picture – enjoy!

I want it all …..

Nutella galore.

Noooooo nooooo my tree has gone!

I want nuts dis big!

it’s raining nuts, hallelujah!

PLEEEEEEEEASE Santa I been good

Free as a bird!

I have no nuts, I just had my vasectomy …. ok?!

Please let there be an avalanche of nuts

Praise the Lord, bring back my nuts…

Mama I love you, mama I care!

All I want for Christmas is you!

It’s Chrissssssstmas time!

Another British (RED) Squirrel at last…!

Photo by SJ

Photo by SJ

OMG!

A diva! Moi?

Romeo Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?

Nuts! Whole hazel nuts!

Gimme, gimme, gimme !

Nuts glorious nuts! (Oliver ” food glorious food!)

I’m king of the WOOOORLD

Ok. I give up where’s the nuts

I can do BSL …

Whhhhhhhy?!

Did they break open…?!

Look at me, look at me…

Thank god it’s Friday!!

Let it GoooooooooOOO! I am one with the wind and SkyyyYYY!

squirrel2

 ~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Let ’em Go by Paul Leonard

Whilst out and about enjoying the Christmas cheer, a friend came up with an idea and asked for my technical know how in making this possible. How could I possibly turn down the challenge?! So in true Tree House spirit, the day was well and truly seized albeit adding my own twist!

This video we hope will help to lift everyone’s spirits and make you smile for “a smile is free and does wonders” – to quote the founder, Sara.

On behalf of The Tree House, we would like to present our parody of “Let it go” from the film, Frozen; “Let ’em go”

Enjoy!

Please help The Tree House to stamp out any form of online abuse by not condoning it in any sense. Many thanks.

“Let ’em go” because The Tree House is positively moving onwards and upwards.

~PAL

Popular Assumptions People Make of Deaf People by Jennifer Wilson

Just meant to be a (truthful!) laugh…

Deaf people cannot enjoy music.

Welllll…I guess my iPod was a complete waste of money, and my music videos are just there for decoration. Seriously though, we DO listen to music, and if we cannot hear it, we can enjoy it by feeling the beats. Simple as.

Deaf people cannot/shouldn’t drive, it’s too dangerous.

Oh gosh, I forgot to tell my examiner when I passed my test first time! Oh, and while deaf people lack some sense of sound, we make up for it through the magic sense of SIGHT!

Deaf people choose what they want to hear.

Couldn’t be further from the truth. If that was the case, we’d either be unable to hear anything…or we’d be hearing!

Hearing aids/cochlear implants must be really annoying and uncomfortable to wear.

Well, I guess those huuuge ridiculous headphones you’re wearing must be the bane of your life.

(Exaggerated speech) HE-LLLOOOOO! H-O-O-O-O-WUH *pause* A-RE *pause* YOU! TO-DAY?

Please don’t exaggerate, it makes my eyes hurt.

(Using exaggerated gestures) How…do…YOU *while pointing at my chest*

Erm, didn’t your mother tell you it’s rude to point?

Oh! You’re deaf? Ermmmm…don’t worry, I’ll go ask someone else…

I understand. I looked “deaf” up in the dictionary, the term was “Someone who you cannot speak to or ask questions”. Understandable.

(Person jumps in to help without my consent)

Erm…..I think I can do this myself, thanks. Didn’t you notice I was already in the middle of it?

Do you need help darling? (asked every 10 seconds)

I told you before – NO! If I need help, I will ask for it. You wouldn’t push someone who is in a wheelchair would you?

You’re deaf? Awwwwwwww I’m SO SO SO sorry to hear that/awwww you must have a crap non-life/(something along the lines of that)

Answer #1. Awww, you’re hearing? Awwwwww I’m so soo sooooo sorry, you have to put up with all this NOISE!

Answer #2. Don’t feel sorry for me because I’m deaf, feel sorry for me because I’m beautiful :-).

People who finally shout “EXCUSE ME!!!!!” after not being heard, then after we politely move, they give us a scornful look and say something rude…

Wow…I took another look in that dictionary…”deaf people must not be spoken to politely”.

But also…if someone doesn’t respond to your “excuse me” the first time, what other reason would there be other than that they’re deaf???? You’d be standing in front of a VERY lifelike statue otherwise…

You’re deaf? But…but…but…you can TALK?!

*gasp*! Well I’ll be damned!

You’re deaf? Ohhh…SORRY…[wild windmill gesture]…BUT…I…[wild point to self]…DO…[frantic nodding]…NOT…[wild hand flapping]…SIIIIGGGNNNNN…[wild hand movements]

 Well, you’re doing a pretty good job. Well done. Oh and just so you know, some deaf people DO sign, and some don’t. Some use both spoken English and sign language….got that? No? Well, put it this way…if a person is born in Japan, that doesn’t mean they can ONLY know Japanese…people can be bilingual! Plus not ALL deaf people sign!

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend/other half sign? No? (angrily) WELL THEY SHOULD!!

Erm….two points I’ll make out here.

One – if it’s that important to you, why aren’t you signing yourself?

Two – I don’t NEED to sign with my other half. Some people DO use sign language when they communicate with others, and some don’t find the need to. Don’t judge what you don’t know.

Oh!!! I know sign language!! [does ‘why don’t you f- off’ gesture]

Ooookeee…let me tell you what that LITERALLY means. Ready? N….Backwards N…Through….great!

You can’t be deaf, you don’t look deaf!

Oh yeah…we are born with gills, but they gradually disappear as we get older.

Why do you talk different?/Why is your voice like that?

Yeah, go ahead and point out our differences. It does WONDERS for our self esteem.

[while chatting with friends, either in BSL or SSE, complete strangers] Oooooooh!!! Look at them signing!!! LOOK!!

While I appreciate your interest, I must stress that we are not monkeys in a cage at the zoo. If you are interested in sign language, COME AND TALK TO US…DON’T point and talk ABOUT us, it’s rude!!

Oh you’re deaf? WOW! My cousin’s best friend’s brother’s wife’s dentist’s grandma’s best friend was deaf too!

Oh…my…GOODNESS! What ARE the CHANCES of that?!

Happy Monday!

Our Top Fifteen Pet Hates.

Quite a few people detest hearing the chalk scrape on the blackboard, my son really dislikes the sound polystyrene makes and just how it feels to the touch. Here, during a supposedly full moon which explains why some of the Tree House dwellers were stirring, listed are some of our pet hates.

1, First and foremost: Tinnitus – this is extremely draining and in some cases debilitating.

2, Negative body language – Keep your chins up luv.

3, People relentlessly tapping on our arms or shoulders – Surely once is enough?!

Do's and Don'ts by Matt Daigle

Do’s and Don’ts by Matt Daigle

4, Regional signs such as “middle fingers stirring the sky” which could mean “available” or “holiday” to others. Some deaf people think this is only deemed rude by the hearing while some deaf people also find this sign offending – Each to their own.

6, The sound of “Applause” apparently tends to drive some deaf people nuts. *Hands waving*

6, Static shocks – There are those who are full of static shocks but take pleasure in shocking others (!)

Comic Strip by Jim Davis

Comic Strip – Garfield.

7, Visual noises i.e. Feet twitching in the corner of our eyes whilst trying to watch a film or read something.

8, People adamantly tapping on the table which is ultra-loud to a deaf person due to our other senses being enhanced.

9, We might not be able to hear them but we can still smell them – Trumping and in some cases flapping!

10, The wind noise from within our cars due to the rear car window being open whilst driving as the wind vibrates on our hearing aid microphones.

Who seconds wind noises?

I was once travelling back down south by coach with the kids and in the distant we spied a wind farm. My daughter seemed puzzled and asked me what they were, I explained it was a wind farm. She then asked why there was one? To which I answered most innocently “because too many people keep eating beans.” A moment later the penny dropped. The most priceless grin – ever!

Wind Recycling.

Wind Recycling.

11, The feeling of catching our fingernails, the vibrations via the blackboard or garage doors only for the paint flake off and get wedged inside our nails.

12, Not being able to cut our nails when we have broken it – which is why I now carry a nail clipper on my set of keys. Light-bulb moment.

13, The touch of the newspaper or magazine due to its texture is enough to make some deaf people break out into goose pimples and make their hands shake!

14, Wooden ice lolly and ice cream sticks. The texture and how we have to be careful not to bite on it or scrape it against our teeth to avoid the feeling, the noise it makes, the taste and the risk of splinters. The worst has to be the ones the doctors uses to look down our throats which terribly dries out our mouths.

Wooden sticks.

Wooden sticks

15, Sudden police sirens which our hearing aids amplify – Try living in Central London?!

~ SJ (Sara Jae)