- Be patient ~ it might take us half hour to answer the door if there is something covering the doorbell flash unit. Throwing stones at the window or shouting through the letterbox is a waste of time. Send us a text and cross your fingers the mobile isn’t under the same cardigan as the doorbell flash!
- When you ask for coffee don’t be surprised if you get tea. When we replace the tea don’t be surprised if the ‘coffee’ tastes like Bistro Best for Beef Dinners!
- Be prepared to sit on your own for an eternity while we get up to look for something we wanted to show you then turn the place upside down looking for that thing. We will eventually give up the lost cause and slump back into our chair before realising it was on the coffee table in front of us all along. You will be frustrated after spending most of that search time trying to tell us it was right there!
- We will pretend to hear your stories to save you repeating yourself umpteen times. Make sure your facial expression matches the story so we can fake laugh and cry at the right moments.
- If the story is very long don’t be offended if we check Facebook mid story as we may be missing some breaking news from down the Deaf club!
- When you talk about Master Chef and we join in yakking about Masters of Sex just play along. The latter programme is more interesting than the former anyway.
- Don’t worry you haven’t got tinnitus it’s our hearing aid feedback generating that high pitched whine you can hear.
- Sorry you couldn’t hear our TV. We were listening through the induction loop system that sends sound to our hearing aids. We clean forgot you need normal sound.
- Thanks for coming to see us. Hope you feel ok tomorrow. We really didn’t know those biscuits had a Use by date of 1997!
- Before you go can you phone us a Chinese please. Text Relay calls take too long and we are starving. We only had those biscuits and didn’t want to risk our health!
We hope you enjoyed your visit, do call again. Toodle ooo!
By Martin Griffiths.