I’m So Deaf That….

A beloved dweller of the Tree House set everyone a task to complete the sentence “I’m so deaf that….” which proved to be a very interesting read that we just had to share it with the rest of the world and especially you. Here is a compilation of the examples given;

I’m so deaf that

I have to touch the kettle to see if it is about to boil. Because I stupidly forgot to get one with a light indicator.

I’m so deaf that

My cats are fat because I feed them too much due to not knowing when they are hungry.

I’m so deaf that… 

I once left the radio on for two days and when I eventually put my CI on I wondered what the hell was going on.

I’m so deaf that

I have caused many arguments by interfering and signing WHAT, I just want to know what’s going on.

I’m so deaf that

My phone is always on ‘do not disturb’ mode just in case it starts buzzing or making noises in my bag during lectures and I don’t hear it…

I’m so deaf that…  

When I interrupt to ask what is going on, I get told I am being rude. (Fortunately this happens less often now…)

One mentioned they have a funny face-saver for that example. Just laugh and say “Please don’t talk while I am interrupting”.

I’m so deaf (when I have my processor off) that

I have to put a hand on the washing machine/tumble dryer when I press the ‘on’ button to check it’s on!

I’m so deaf that

In a noisy, dark restaurant, people laugh at me when I’m concentrating so hard to lip-read the waitress…

I’m so deaf that

When I was watching a late night film on TV after my parents had gone to bed, I got up during an ad break to make a snack in the kitchen. I returned a couple of mins later to find my mum frantically searching for the remote. Turned out it’d slipped down the back of the sofa as I got up and the volume control had gone straight up to full from its mute setting.

I’m so deaf that

The kids have to tell me that my hearing aid is whistling when I’ve forgotten to turn it off when I’ve taken it out.

I’m so deaf that

When I go to people’s houses and we’re watching TV, I am always too embarrassed to ask for subtitles…but if people realise I need them, they always make SO MUCH effort – just for me – to put them on (sometimes it’s hard to work out how!) Bless them….*neverseeearthswallowmeup*

I’m so deaf that

When wife comes in to surgery with  me to talk with the Doctor;

I end up asking “who the **** is the patient here ME or Wife?!”

I’m so deaf that

I miss the shouts during xxx (PMSL)

I’m so deaf that

I can sleep while the kids are free to make as much noise as they wish – silence is golden!

I’m so deaf that

I need to use high volume shampoo in the shower….

I’m so deaf that

I cannot hear my cats meowing when they want me to feed them so that they sink their claws in my poor legs or jump onto my arms when I was talking … I get scratches on me quite often!

I’m so deaf that 

I once had to endure a mad German lady hotelier bouncing up and down on the end of my bed in order to wake me up after asking for a wake-up call!! Thank the Lord for the ShakeAwake device (they were not around then!)

I’m so deaf that…  

When I’m cooking and the cats are running for cover I think it’s just their quirkiness. (Of course the fire alarm is going and I’m not wearing my aids!

I’m so deaf that

I once got woken up by my mum ringing the doorbell while I was asleep. “How?” You may ask…well, I had a pager, that was connected to a vibrating pad under my pillow, and it was connected to the doorbell/fire alarm/phone, etc. Mum went out and forgot something, so rang the doorbell, waking me up. Lol! xxx

I’m so deaf that

I listen more than hearing people!

I’m so deaf that

That I forgot to turn off the running tap

I’m so deaf that 

Hubby got locked out several times – once in his pjs and the other time he had to wait 2 hours for me to wake up!

I’m so deaf that 

I misheard Golden Crested Newt for Golden Prostitute! I was driving at the time and couldn’t lipread. Also, I thought I heard ‘Noisy handkerchief’, when it actually was, ‘playing Kaiser Chiefs’. Going off on a tangent got asked once if I was a doctor. No, said, I’m an audiologist. Oh good came the reply, could you have a look at my eyes?

I’m so deaf that

When I was with this group of hearing people I heard some laughter.

I laughed along with them. *Ha ha ha*.. Until I saw them all staring at me. Gulp! The ‘laughs’ I heard were people coughing loudly together.

The floor just would not open up and swallow me there and then.

I’m so deaf that

I misheard ‘dragon’ as ‘drag queen’ once whilst talking about Children’s pantomimes.

I’m so deaf that…

I have to put my hearing aids on to remember where something is!

I’m so deaf that…

I now have to wear hearing aids because I was such a good listener whilst lending my shoulder.

I’m so deaf that…

It always confuses people when I say ‘I can’t hear in the dark’.

I’m so deaf that…

I have to wash my hands with soap every time I swear…. 😉

I’m so deaf that…

I almost poke my eyes out when I talk in my sleep.

I’m so deaf that…

I would make a terrible Santa – Kids everywhere would be wailing as I misheard their toy requests when sat on my knee in the Grotto.

I’m so deaf that…

I adjust my smiles to my level of understanding of what is being said to me.

I’m so deaf that….

When my kids ask me to whistle, I smile in a certain way to make my hearing aids whistle and the kids start laughing!

I’m so deaf that…

My partner had to wake me up by turning the mains on and off to flick the bathroom light when I fell asleep in the bath.

I’m so deaf that

I spend half my time asking my family how audible it is when I fart. I really do want to know.

Another dweller kindly satisfied their curiosity by letting them know that there’s a scale of audibility when it comes to farting. There’s the silent fart which nobody hears, the hissing fart which only those with top hearing will notice, the ‘pursed’ fart which is a definite fart and lots of people will probably hear it, and the sloppy fart which is the loudest and almost everyone apart from deaf people will hear that one! Good vibrations…..

 

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