Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t

I have decided to seize the day in order to try to end the on-going issues from last week’s chain of events. It is time for everyone else to put it to bed and move on. Respect all around x

“Hello Everyone,

Last week was a bad week for me and I’m sure it was the same for other people too.

Why bad week?

Because people criticised my choice of what to do. Last week, people didn’t respect the various communication needs and differences.

Last week, people attacked me because people made videos which were divisive, not only one but two, three, four and so on. Through all of them, people criticised.

I feel nervous making videos because never make but last summer I did make videos for one person but that person hurt me a lot. I didn’t feel I could make videos so stopped.

Last week I talked with one person by making videos again. Why? Because I wanted to sort out the problems and I don’t want bad feelings between us. We corresponded by sending video messages – all sorted out. Not easy.

Same other people when I sign I feel concerned about being criticised but now I don’t care because I will do what I feel is right, what is inclusive of all.

Lot of people think if (I) we can sign and speak as well, it is an easy life – no, you’re wrong. We (I) suffer more.

You see last week, what happened? This was out of our control. The BBC decided to make this video of which I did not know there would be other speakers too, I didn’t know but I was happy to see their video showed speakers to show the variety in the end. But when they did the interview, I didn’t know.

The first interview, I tried to sign and speak which no one knows about. People still criticised me. Not my problem but yours. The second interview, I felt like speaking because it was easier (to a hearing person) quicker so we could all leave. Also because the other people that was there all signed. I felt I wanted to show equality as there was signers but no speakers so I braved it and tried my best to speak, the interpreter present knows this and he stayed just in case I changed my mind and wanted to sign instead. I come from deaf parents and my first language is sign of which I know is not perfect but still I braved it.

If I sign, im damned if I do, if I speak, im damned if I do. I cant win.

When I see people using sign language, I feel others should try to sign, add subtitles so those wont be left out. When I see orals or typers I feel like I want to show sign so all is included.

Our Tree House, if people want to put BSL videos on – welcome. I will volunteer to transcribe and I have done so in the past to make sure everyone is included.

This morning I woke up and saw numerous videos on FB with sign language in. It was good and nice to see but still it means I have mixed feelings. Why? Because only signers will understand and the speakers who write cant understand. I feel like I am being torn, can’t win, always stuck in the middle, hurt because want to see everyone being equals. Don’t want signers to be left out, speakers to be left out.

The Tree House is about equality, showing respect no matter what your communication needs are. At the same time, while its good to see signing more in videos but on the other hand it is appeasing the bsl using community to make them feel better because we know they feel “Where is sign language?! “We have to hold onto it!” worrying it will cease. Don’t worry, wont cease.

My view, Facebook is only for social media. Sign language videos will make people become more addicted. It is also not a replacement for real life. In real life, there is a strong community. Facebook is only facebook,

Last week, people spat their dummies, behaving as if everything had to be done “my (their) way!, me me me me” Not everything is about you, have other people with different communication needs, difference schools of thoughts, need to remain calm and not spit their dummy, behave like a baby, throwing toys out of their prams.

Then what happened? People made videos of which some points were not true which is why I stood up for myself (as I was there!) because I am a big believer in the truth, I don’t like lies. Last week, people who made videos, I tried to tell them they were wrong and it was misleading. (People were jumping to conclusions based on assumptions) should have said what was right and I tried to explain. What happened? Their friends blamed me.

People sent me messages which were not very nice, people oppressed me, dictated to me as well as to other people. Hold on, don’t forget, I am from deaf family and I do sign. If you want to judge me, you’re wrong to do so.

This is another form of bullying. If it continues, I will take action.

Sorry about my signing, I feel nervous because I don’t like videos. I worry that people will download them and edit accordingly to portray those as a bad person. This is another reason why I don’t make videos, we have to be careful, for safe guarding.

I hope everyone will carry on respecting the different communication needs and not only sign language or only speakers. There are people who are in the middle. Need to open, have an open mind as well as respecting. We can’t do “My way, me me me” all the time – it won’t work. People (outsiders) will view us and think we are childish.

Just imagine last week, if hearing people saw what happened – they would think “My god! So that’s what the deaf community is like?!”

My conscience is clear, I tried my best, if people want to criticise and bully me – not my problem.

While im signing in this video, I feel mixed up because I know some of my friends wont understand so I have to transcribe also. It’s only fair.

Facebook is only for quick posts, not for life stories or continuous videos, Just quickly contact because it is visual. That’s it. It is not a replacement for life (in general).

Nervous. Thank you for watching and hope you understand me well.

Bye”

I am only telling it like it is as honesty is the best policy – life is too short yet please spare a moment to remember how to prioritise, triviality versus Apartheid? No contest.

~ SJ (Sara Jae)

Update: Here is another version of last week’s chain of events by Paul titled “Who really cares?”

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3 thoughts on “Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t

  1. Well said. It’s high time there was a lot more maturity in the Deaf world. It’s the 21st century and 19th century morals just do not belong here.

    Thanks for speaking up on behalf of the open minded ones who want to progress. We can do good work if we all stick together, but not if people are going to start silly squabbles.

  2. Sorry to hear about your negative experiences. I can share your experiences, I too had felt hurt by the divisions too. You have been very brave to speak out on how you fell. Well done for that. You certainly deserve praise for making the additional video. No one is better than others. I very much admire the efforts that you are making to bring peace and harmony. This page is brilliant and excellent example of bringing accessibility to all! Well done Sara.

    I too felt hurt when some people say that speech is better than sign and vice versa. BSL is a beautiful language and should be celebrated and if people want to use their voice – then feel normal. I am happy with what ever method they chose.

    You have been undertaking an excellent job with the Tree House.

    Instead of criticism – you certainly could do with some praise! Plenty of them from me!

  3. Oh Sara – sending you a HUGE hug. You have done the best you can in the situation, and although you’ve been hurt and bullied and criticised, I truly hope you don’t give up on it all – your voice is so strong, and we need your voice, as well as others (I don’t mean voice as in speech, or sign, just your voice, the one inside of you). Your voice is important, please keep sharing it, because I feel it brings so much light to so many lives. Let’s just all run away and turn into modern day hippies – sound good?!

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